Children have to deal with a lot of changes when their parents go through a divorce. One of the biggest is that their parents won’t live in the same home, which means the parenting dynamic will change.
For some parents, this change comes with many challenges. Many adults who are going through a divorce look forward to the time when they won’t have to speak to their ex. Parents don’t get that option. Instead, you and your ex will have to learn how to communicate effectively.
Communication should be direct
The communication between you and your ex should be direct; however, some parents fall into the habit of having the children relay messages. While it may seem preferable since you don’t have to speak to your ex, using the children as messengers isn’t ever a good idea.
Risks of passing messages through children
There are several risks that come with using the children to pass messages back and forth. One of the primary risks is that the messages may not be accurately relayed. This could lead to arguments that could have been avoided if you used direct communication.
Another risk is that the children may be subjected to reactions they shouldn’t have to deal with. It’s possible that the parent they’re passing the message to may get upset and have a reaction that’s scary or harmful to the children.
Because communication is often a contentious issue in child custody cases, it’s best to set clear terms early. You can include these in the parenting plan, so both parents know it will be handled. Working with someone who understands your circumstances and can help you with the plan may be beneficial.